I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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