id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
