Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
