so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
