Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
