I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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