oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
