dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
