even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
