So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
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