He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
