this boner is exhausting
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
