Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
