Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
