hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
