So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
