Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You just made me feel so damn special
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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