i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
