I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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