I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
