how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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