I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
