Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
