I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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