i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
