Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize