belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
