dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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