Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
