hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
