I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
