I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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