Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And then he peed in my hair
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