So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
