when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
