this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
