Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
