I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
