he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
