Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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