your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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