You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
