DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
