I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
