im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
