I could have mohawked her pubes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
