im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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