i barfeds in our rink
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sorry my hands just texted you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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