ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
