Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
