Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
