dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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