waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
