the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
