Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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