Pappa wants mamma naked
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize