my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
