I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
