I think I won the penis lottery.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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