Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
