I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Use "feeling words"
Yay
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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