He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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