You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
