So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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