just come out here and I will go home with you...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
