quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
