Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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