I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
