Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
