my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
